That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
