we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
