Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
