That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
