I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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