Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
is wine microwaveable?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
