Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
