I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
