I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
