There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
