Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She's the barista slut.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
