butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
