whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
