so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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