a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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