she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
