Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
