i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
