i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
