but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
