I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
