Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
