She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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