im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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