Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
