I'm laying in your front yard are you home
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
