If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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