the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
