I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
