i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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