I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
