Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
