I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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