Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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