I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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