I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
