Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
