omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
