I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
