DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
