Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
