You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
