im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
