Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
