You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
