exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
