clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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