I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
