ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
