well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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