Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
