Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I need to calm my uterus...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
