My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
