I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
