I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
